What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
