so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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