apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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