get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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