if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
