im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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