Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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