You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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