return my video game
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
