i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
