So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
