i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize