I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
