can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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