The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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