I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
