So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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