im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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