overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
