I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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