That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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