Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
