Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
