margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
