fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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