Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
