That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
please come you make the beer taste better
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
