then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
