I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You made out with two different species that night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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