i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
