We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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