There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
