Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
