Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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