Dual....:-)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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