1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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