Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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