so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
