New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
