I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
