he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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