the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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