Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
