a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
