you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
