I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
