I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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