I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
