i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
