I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im part way to drunk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
