i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
