Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
