do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
