singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize