I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
