theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
