I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
