White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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