It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize