do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
