we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
