Kiss
Puke
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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