you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
