you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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