I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
