Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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