I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
