It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
