ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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